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“You don’t deserve it.”

“Who do you think you are?”

“This will never work out for you, you know that, right?”

Recognize that voice?  It’s the voice of your Inner Mean Girl.

She’s negative.  She’s catty.  She’s judgmental.

She compares your worst to everyone else’s best. In her eyes, you lose every time.

She spews cruel words at you and makes you feel like you’re in 7th grade again—and NOT in the popular group. Your Inner Mean Girl's favorite thing to do is to make you feel small, inadequate, and unworthy. She’s always finding evidence to prove her theory:  you are not enough.

Stop letting your Inner Mean Girl run the show!

Try the three steps below to stand up to your Inner Mean Girl once and for all:

•    Identify your Inner Mean Girl’s Top 10 List of places, situations and environments where she likes to show up and criticize.  Is it at work?  Social events?  In bed?  Whenever you look in the mirror?  Once you know what circumstances are likely to trigger her, you can be better prepared to deal with her.

•    Next, draw a picture of your Inner Mean Girl. Is she fat with big glasses? Perfectly pressed and all in pink? A slob with a cigarette in one hand and a martini in the other?  Don’t worry if you think you can’t draw – no one will ever see this but you, so go for it!  And if you really don’t want to draw, can you find an image in a magazine or on the Internet that captures your Inner Mean Girl?  It’s important that you have a clear mental image of that voice that tortures you.

•    Get to know your Inner Mean Girl.  Notice what makes her happy and notice what makes her power diminish. What happens if you just yell “Shut up!” at her? What if you just look her calmly in the eye and reassure her that everything is going to be all right? Maybe she needs a compliment every now and then?  After all, Inner Mean Girls need love, too.

I’ve got news for you: your Inner Mean Girl is a liar.

She tells you big fat lies to try to maintain the status quo and keep you in your comfort zones. Even if your comfort zones aren’t all that comfortable.  For example, poor body image, constant financial distress or any kind of addictive behavior can be an area where your Inner Mean Girl thrives.  She will tell you over and over again that “you can’t change,” and “you’re a loser.”

But that’s a lie.  You can change and you are certainly not a loser. In fact, you are magnificent.

Once you realize that she is a liar, see if you can’t catch her lying to you. (Hint: whenever you’re feeling bad about yourself, she’s probably right there with a megaphone.)

Then do this simple three-step process to see through your Inner Mean Girl’s lies:

1. What is my Inner Mean Girl saying? Write it down.  Can you identify the lies?

2. What does my Inner Wisdom know?  Write it down.  Can you see the truth? (Hint: it helps to sometimes close your eyes and take a deep breath before asking this question. The truth is always there, waiting to set you free.)

3. Now write down an action you want to take in light of this new information. Is there something or someone you need to commit to? Something you must stop doing? A new perspective you will hold? Do you need to forgive yourself or someone else?

Here is the truth: your Inner Mean Girl is really a voice of insecurity and anxiety.  Uncertain of her own power, she becomes a bully.  Once you start really listening and writing down her rants and accusations, it’s easy to put her in her place.

The truth is, you are fabulous. 

And I know, because my Inner Wisdom told me so.

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About The Author

Amy Ahlers's picture

Amy Ahlers, the Wake-Up Call Coach and bestselling author, is on a mission to stop women from being so darn hard on themselves. Since 2000, she has been an International Certified Success Coach, the CEO of Wake-Up Call Coaching, and co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School with Christine Arylo, Visionary Ignition Switch with Lissa Rankin, and Find Your Calling with Lissa Rankin and Martha Beck. Her newest passion is supporting moms to embrace the whole truth of motherhood, messiness, and magic with the Mama Truth Circle.

Amy has been a featured expert on lots of TV & radio shows, and for media outlets like ABC, FOX, The Washington Post, and The Huffington Post. She loves lighting up the stage at events where she wakes people up to the voice of their Inner Wisdom and helps them cultivate the courage to act on it. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter, inspiring women to find the everyday sacred.

Her first book, Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar (New World Library, 2011), shot up to #1 in several categories on Amazon, including Self-Help, Happiness, and Self-Esteem. Her next book,  Reform Your Inner Mean Girl: 7 Steps to Stop Bullying Yourself and Start Loving Yourself, she co-wrote with Christine Arylo and is due out in April of 2015 from Beyond Words.

A 2010 recipient of the Women Who Dare Award from Girls Inc., she holds a BA from the University of California, earned the CPCC designation from The Coaches Training Institute, and is a Master Coach Equivalent. Amy is known best for her unconditional love, relentless enthusiasm, and kick ass truth telling. You can often find Amy in the San Francisco Bay Area holding hands with her husband, Rob, as they run after their firecracker daughters, Annabella and Evie Rose.

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