Lately I’ve been noticing a pattern and I’m curious if you experience it too. One that always knocks me out and blindsides me…
I like to call it the vanishing friend syndrome (AKA “Ghosting” in the dating world. )
Sometimes it occurs when a crisis strikes and you notice some people in your life just bail. They disappear. Vanish into thin air. No calls. No texts. No card or casserole.
Or maybe it happens when the BIG WIN occurs. The long awaited newborn baby makes her appearance. Or you landed the big deal or new house. Or you meet the love of your life. And that one friend, the one who adores you and has spent late nights with you never appears to hug you or high five you. No “atta girl” or “atta boy” love.
Honestly, it drives me nuts. It shakes me to my core, leaving a huge impact, having me question the level of our connection. “Were we really ever that close?”
So I ask you to notice if you are that person. The one who turns into a ghost. The one who shows up…until you don’t.
What is the payoff of bailing? And what is it costing you?
For me I’m drawing new boundaries for myself around this style of friendship. Here’s how it goes:
First, I pay attention when it happens and inquire what the deal is directly with my friend. I let the person know the impact and see if there is room for growth.
Second, I try not to take it personally and practice radical acceptance when someone shows me that they are a ghoster. No trying to change them. I just love them.
Third, I don’t count on my vanishing friends. I just appreciate them when they show up and are present and continue to build a tribe of amazing friends that are consistent and that I can always count on.
Let me know what you think in the comments below. I read every one of em!