When surrounded by the stormy sea of anger, how do we find our compassion?
This piece makes my 9th attempt of writing my blog post for this week. I have sat staring into a blank screen hoping and praying that something profoundly inspiring would come rushing out of me. None of them felt authentic. Over the course of the past 11 days I have started and stopped 8 different pieces. None of them really captured the essence of what I wanted to share with you. Each of them fell flat. So I found myself starting another piece in the hopes that this time it would be “right”. The type of piece that really spoke to what I have been contending with, only to stop writing mid-way.
You see what I am presently challenged with is being peaceful while facing the ugly of life. The ugly that other human beings can be at times, where they seem to have no qualms of spewing their venom all over others. I have been out of sorts. Not feeling like myself and have a sense of tears just under the surface ready to pour out of me at any moment. I have found that I am being snappy with my beloved. And generally struggling with the underbelly that exists in our humanity.
I have been trying to take the higher road. The one that we have been taught to take by our parents and elders. I have tried to let it roll off my back and keep myself occupied with other things that make me feel good for the moment. I have tried to meditate and found myself agitated and unable to sit still long enough to make a difference. Hell, I even tried the breathing exercise I learned from Dr. Will Courtenay a few days ago. (I will be sharing the exercise with you all in the coming weeks.) Nothing seems to be working. All I feel is a sense of the light within me yearning to shine through.
You see it takes a lot, I mean mammoth levels of obstacles, to have me feel dim from within. I am usually able to find my balance and equanimity quite readily in the face of most of life’s challenges. I have had extensive training in transformational work, am a student of spirituality and meditation, and an avid proponent of the healing nature of music. So I have tried all of these techniques the past few days and to no avail.
I know that to provide ourselves with true freedom from the upsets of life we must embrace the upset, know that it’s not personal and continue to arise from our highest and greatest. I know this and have witnessed the results of employing such clarity in my life. But tonight, as I write this piece, my raw words, something is happening. A feeling of compassion is rushing through me. This compassion is for myself. I hear a voice from within “It is alright to have these feelings. Not know how to be at times. Not have the answers. And to be stuck. It’s perfectly alright to have a rush of hatred and anger occupy my body, where I can’t find it within myself to love the other. It’s alright. It’s normal.”
So, I am now left with this state and will explore how to move through it with wisdom of the ages. To bring in the light and sound of the universal truth into my soul, into my heart. My mind has been in the drivers seat. I can thank it, ask it to allow for my heart and soul to contribute in the days ahead.